A Homeopathic Guide to Partnership and Compatibility by LIZ LALOR
Below is a summary of this book, some great quotes about how great this book is, AND the book’s INTRODUCTION and its description of one remedy, Arsenicum album…
Written in a language that everyone will understand–even those people whohave no knowledge of homeopathy–this is an educational book about relationship compatibility and personal needs. Lalor uses homeopathic relationship analysis to help readers understand their needs as a person, what they need for a successful relationship, and the dynamics being played out between themselves and a partner. Her goal is to provide insights into the reader’s relationship history so that the next relationship he/she chooses will be successful.
The book is based on the analysis of the emotional personas and personality types of characters in films and literature. Readers will relate to and identify with the characters from the wide range of films presented.
In homeopathy, the “constitutional remedies” provide the analyticalframework needed to explore how relationships work. The first section of the book presents each “constitutional type” and through their understanding ofeach readers will get an idea of their personality and, consequently, withwhom they would be compatible. The second section uses popular movies andcharacters to illustrate relationship compatibility between types. Homeopathic constitutional analysis is based on the assumption that when youknow who you will also get to know what makes you fulfilled emotionally.
“Liz Lalor’s book is an interesting beginning to looking at relationships from a Homoeopathic standpoint. Though many homeopaths have toyed with this idea, Liz gives concrete shape to it and uses it also to illustrate more basic ideas of homeopathy.”
Rajan Sankaran, internationally acclaimed homeopath and author of numerous leading books in the field, including The Spirit of Homeopathy, The Substance of Homeopathy, and Insight into Plants.
“Liz Lalor’s A Homeopathic Guide to Partnership and Compatibility is useful as a guide to self-discovery and a help to people understanding how and why they feel so compatible with some people and so incompatible with others. This is a truly inspirational book filled with heart and with the possibility of making the dream of true love come to fruition.”
John Gray, Ph.D.
Author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
“Liz Lalor has done a remarkable job in describing common personality types in a manner which is easily comprehensible, yet also covers the essence of each type with enough subtlety to satisfy the serious reader. Secondly, she has analyzed the interpersonal dynamics of each combination with the help of a wealth of original insights. The result is, to my knowledge, the first book of its kind. A serious and entertaining exposition of how homeopathic types interact in relationships.”
Philip M. Bailey, MD, author of Homeopathic Psychology
“I have read your valuable book “The Homeopathic Guide to Partnership And Compatibility” thoroughly, and I take this opportunity to congratulate you for writing such a nice book in an entirely new fashion. Your descriptions and understanding in the field of homoeopathy is highly appreciable. It is a really a book that every homoeopath should read, understand, and have.
Dr. Sayeed Ahmad, author of numerous books, including Homeopathy and Adverse Reactions of Allopathic Drugs, Homeopathic Management of Male Sexual Disorders, and Homeopathic Management of Hypertension, amongst many others.
Introduction (from the book)
Understanding Partnerships with Homeopathy
Admittedly, a homeopathic guide to help you choose the right partner could be seen as unusual, since most people think homeopathy covers the treatment of physical illness. Health food stores now stock homeopathic remedies for all sorts of complaints, from travel sickness to hay fever. It is logical to think that if you are suffering from hay fever you might consult a homeopath, but you would be extremely unlikely to think of consulting a homeopath if you were having trouble with your relationship. What you will discover in this book is that homeopathy can be used to cure ailments of the heart as well as for cures of physical ailments. A Homeopathic Guide to Partnership and Compatibility is a modern-day guide that extends the realm of homeopathy into the sphere of relationships.
Have you ever wanted to know why you keep having the same fights with your partner? Do you have trouble finding someone who is able to understand what your needs are? Have you been in several unsuccessful partnerships, or are you in a difficult relationship now? We don’t just become unhealthy when we get physically sick; we can also become unhealthy when we get embroiled in a relationship that is not compatible with our needs or sensitivities as a person. The main inspiration behind this book was to use homeopathic analysis to provide insights into your relationship patterns. Reading this book will not only help you understand what sort of person you are; it will provide understanding between yourself and your partner, so that both of you can arrive at a workable compromise. Understanding is the first step in learning to love yourself and others, and the insights gained from this book will also prove invaluable in all of your future relationships.
What Does a Homeopath Look For?
Let me give you a brief description of how a homeopathic consultation works. I usually start a consultation with a discussion of all the physical complaints, or presenting issues, you have. (If you have come for help with emotional issues, I start with those instead, because they are the presenting issues.) I then move on to the type of person sitting before me, and what concerns me most in thinking about the person before me (you) is why the stresses or experiences in your life are expressed in a particular way. In a homeopathic consultation I try to find the one event or set of circumstances which caused or contributed to making you unwell; it is labeled as the “never-well-since” symptom. If you have been sick ever since a particular traumatic event, or an unsuccessful relationship, this is obviously significant because a relationship that does not meet your needs and sensitivities is eventually going to cause you a lot of stress, and contribute to your failed health.
While there may be many self-help and how-to books that explore relationships, homeopathic analysis of relationship compatibility is unique because it can explain the psychology of relationships through the process of truly understanding your emotional needs. The homeopathic understanding I offer in this book is not a list of positive-thinking mantras that help you in your partnership for one month; it is a permanent framework of health that is concerned with helping you understand more about yourself, and what sort of relationship will be compatible with your personality. In homeopathy, the constitutional remedies provide the analytical structure needed to explore how you work, and how your relationships work.
What Is a Homeopathic Constitutional Remedy?
You do not need any knowledge of homeopathy to use this book, and although it is written in language that every reader can understand, there are phrases and terminology specific to homeopathy that need to be explained before going any further. The term homeopathic constitution encompasses all of the characteristics of a person–it defines the connecting relationship between the physical, emotional, and mental characteristics. Constitutional analysis is inclusive of the whole person and is based on the assumption that it is a state of being the person moves into as a result of emotional trauma. A constitution is not a personality type or individual, nor is it a set or permanent state that is predetermined for life. A person moves into a constitutional state and can stay in that constitution for a short or long time. Homeopathic constitutional analysis is based on matching the person’s state to a homeopathic remedy. Each remedy picture described in this book is analyzed in relation to how each constitutional type behaves in love and relationships. Through an understanding of the personality of each constitutional type, we can get an idea of our own personality and, consequently, those with whom we would be compatible.
In this book I use characters in films and literature as examples of different constitutional types in relationships. I selected films for reference on the basis that the characters portray the full meaning and nature of a constitutional picture, and they range from golden oldies such as The African Queen to the modern-day film American Splendor. (The list of films and books is at the end of this book for your reference.) It is not crucial to know the films or books used in order to understand the constitutional pictures described because a constitutional personality picture is not the character in the film as such; it is a state that is inclusive of the core essence of the personality of the character and the discussion will be enough to help you understand the gist of each constitution. I also continually refer to the theme running through a constitutional type. The theme is the connecting link between the physical, emotional, and mental characteristics of a constitutional picture. In assessing constitutional pictures, do not concentrate on the character or form a stereotype of the personality picture; concentrate on the theme, which motivates the person’s feelings, and the emotional themes acted out within the relationships that are indicative of the constitutional picture.
The constitutional types I have chosen to discuss in this book are some of the most common types that I see every day in my clinical practice. The partnership combinations I have chosen to discuss are based on my clinical experience counseling couples; these are also the most common combinations that I have observed in film and literature. If you do not find your particular relationship combination, you should be able to work out the potential positives and potential negatives from the discussions of your constitution with other combinations.
Throughout this book, unless the discussion is specific to male or female issues, I avoid gender references in descriptions of constitutions or the role of partners. If there is no gender reference in a heading, the discussion of a relationship is neutral, and whether the partner is a man or woman is irrelevant to the issue of compatibility. In some chapters in the relationship section, the discussion is gender-specific, and in those chapters it is important to the understanding of the relationship combination to discuss from a male or female perspective. The films discussed are predominantly heterosexual in nature, simply because the majority of romance films are centered on traditional male-female roles. I tried, however, to include as many non-biased films to illuminate the constitutional types portrayed by characters. I use plural pronouns in the discussions of constitutional types to imply that the discussion is inclusive of both “she” and “he.” Because homeopathic constitutional analysis is inclusive of the whole person and is based on the assumption that a person moves into a state of being, there is no benefit in analyzing gender differences relative to emotional themes and motivations, unless of course, it is crucial to the emotional trauma or development of the person or constitution.
Each constitutional type responds differently to the same trauma, and a homeopath tries to find out why and how you as an individual get stressed by an event in your life. Homeopathic constitutional analysis is always concerned with the underlying presenting themes and emotional causes of illness or emotional discord. Homeopathy does not look at the emergence of disease as simplistically as, for example, cancer being caused by negative thought patterns; rather, homeopathy treats each individual’s response to trauma within his or her life. Each constitutional analysis will have what can appear to be a list of positive and negative feelings, or “healthy” and “unhealthy” phases. Homeopathy is not about trying to impose concepts of what are the positive sides of a constitution. It is not relevant or applicable to judge aspects of a constitution in those terms. Homeopathy is not based on negative or positive constructs, but instead on the premise that when people go against their true selves they will move into their unhealthy phase. It is therefore crucial that you identify within yourself the tendency to have both the healthy and unhealthy presentations of your particular constitutional personality. Homeopathic understanding is also based on the premise that a particular event in someone’s life has the ability to throw that person into an unhealthy phase. In homeopathic analysis an unhealthy phase could last for one day or a week or twenty years, depending on what causes it.
I spent years counseling patients before I studied homeopathy. During twenty-four years as a natural therapist treating back pain sufferers with various forms of alternative therapy, I found the recurring, underlying theme of their back tension always originated in the difficult issues within their relationships. It was clear to me early on that I needed to understand somatic psychotherapy. Homeopathy is the only health-based therapy that gives form and definition to the true meaning of somatic, which implies that the expression of mental and emotional conditions runs through the physical body. Even though I might be treating a patient with a simple case of hay fever, it is essential that I also treat the whole personality of the patient. Including the whole person in treatment is what is wonderfully unique to the practice of homeopathy. A constitutional analysis encompasses who you are, how you operate in the world, how you interact with people, and, most important for this book, what you are like in your relationships. In my work as a homeopath the same issues still exist; behind all the presenting stressors of my patients I continually see a lot of angst coming from miscommunication in their relationships. This finding is what led me to write this book. No other homeopathic study has looked at the issues of compatibility and at the psychology of relationships through the eyes of homeopathy. If you are a homeopath and you have never thought about analyzing your patients by what they are like in relationships, then this book will provide useful insight.
All relationships have the potential to be successful, and homeopathic constitutional analysis can provide a framework for that success. Love and understanding, of yourself and your partner, is possible when you understand the emotional motivations behind constitutional remedies. A true partnership will reflect the depth that is gained from understanding and finding your true self within your constitutional homeopathic personality.
What Is a Homeopathic Remedy?
Homeopathy is based on the practice of a substance being used as a medicine that is like the disease that needs to be cured. The founder of homeopathy, Samuel Hahnemann, called this the theory of “like cures like.” He discovered the theory of homeopathy by testing Cinchona officinalis. Cinchona officinalis comes from what is commonly known as the quinine tree because its main product or ingredient is quinine. Herbalists had previously considered Cinchona officinalis to be an excellent medicine for feverish states because it provided relief from fever by promoting gentle perspiration. Because Hahnemann was a leading eighteenth-century German chemist and physician he was already familiar with the clinical use of quinine as a treatment for malaria. Hahnemann experimented by ingesting small amounts of quinine bark and discovered that the crude substance produced the same symptoms as the disease malaria.To reduce the toxicity of the crude substance, quinine, Hahnemann experimented with diluting a tincture of Cinchona officinalis.
Hahnemann discovered by diluting Cinchona officinalis, he was able to reduce the toxicity of the crude or raw substance quinine bark. He also found when he diluted and had vigorously shaken the dilution, known as potentizing, he was able to increase the effectiveness or potency of the solution as a medicine. It was this process of both diluting and potentizing that enabled him to discover that the effects grew stronger the more he diluted and potentized the substance. The process of infinitely diluting and potentizing medicines has always been criticized by the scientific world. Homeopathic remedies are diluted and potentized by taking one drop of a solution and adding that one drop to 99 drops of water ad infinitum; up to 6, or 30, or 200, or even a million dilutions. From a conventional chemist’s point of view, a dilution past 12, known as “Avogadro’s number,” or the point of infinity, would have none of the original solution left in the substance. For example, this means that when chemists examine the homeopathic dilution of Arsenicum, derived from the poison arsenic, they will find no trace of the original poison arsenic. Homeopathic remedies are diluted beyond the point of containing any of the original source or substance–for arsenic, then, the important aspect of dilution is when a homeopathic remedy is made from arsenic, it is no longer arsenic.
The magazine, “New Scientist” recently reported an amazing discovery in support of the original findings of Hahnemann and the experience of homeopaths for centuries. The article is based on the findings of two Korean chemists who discovered in the process of diluting solutions in water that the molecules behaved the opposite to the belief systems that conventional chemistry has always had. Dissolved molecules are assumed to spread farther apart in the dilution process. The two chemists discovered that they do the opposite. Because the molecules do in fact clump together, it throws light on the belief that homeopaths have always had that the water has a memory of the original substance and the solution does indeed become more potent the higher the dilution is. This book is not intended to prove the foundation of homeopathy; rather, it is enough to note that new scientific and medical discoveries are always being made, and skeptics who have easily dismissed homeopathy on the basis that the remedy dilutions are too extreme to have any effect or potency as a medicine must now confront their own skepticism.
The remedy prescribed in a homeopathic consultation is one that matches, or is most “like,” the mental and emotional characteristics, as well as the physical characteristics, of the patient. All the symptoms that a patient describes in a homeopathic consultation are cross-checked and confirmed in a homeopathic book known as the repertory. A repertory has been compiled from what is referred to in homeopathy as provings. The first proving was when Hahnemann discovered that Cinchona officinalis as a diluted substance produced symptoms in a healthy person that matched the disease malaria. The repertory contains case notes and observations of hundreds of homeopaths over two centuries of practice. Homeopaths believe that the effect of the homeopathic remedy mirrors the effect of a crude overdosing or poisoning. Because it is important to understand the crude substances that are used for homeopathic medicines, the repertory also contains extensive clinical toxicological reports that can be used for reference material on toxicology. The process of adding to the repertory is an ongoing study based on clinical observations of provings by homeopaths of today.
The most simple of dilutions in my practice that confirm the theory of “like cures like” is the homeopathic use of the remedy Allium cepa, a dilution of red onion. This is a common homeopathic medicine used for the symptoms of hay fever and runny eyes caused by various allergic reactions. The effects of cutting an onion are most like the symptoms of the hay fever sufferer. I prescribe the homeopathic remedy Allium cepa on the basis of matching the symptoms to the effect of cutting an onion in a healthy person. This is an example of a simple case of a proving. The provings of homeopathic medicines are based on historical recordings that prove efficacy–in this case, if onion cutting causes the eyes to water in a healthy person, as a diluted and potentized substance it will cure the unhealthy person of the same watery eyes. It is easy to understand this process as being similar in theory, although it is dissimilar in practice, to the effects or process involved in conventional allopathic vaccination. It is the diluting and potentizing of substances that distinguishes homeopathy from the conventional medical application and effects of allopathic vaccination.
The original substances that homeopathic remedies were made from were varied. Remedies were made from plants, minerals, animals, chemicals, and even diseased tissues. In the constitutional summaries section of this book, the description of each constitutional type begins with the origins of the remedy. This section is very interesting and important to read because it will give you an understanding of the substance the homeopathic remedy is derived from. Homeopathic constitutional understanding is based on understanding the nature and characteristics of the substance that was used to make the remedy.
Homeopathy is unique in the sense that the nature of the person must also match the action and nature of the substance from which the remedy was derived; this is why the repertory also contains toxicology reports. Understanding the source of a homeopathic remedy can help you understand more about yourself because your constitutional personality will mirror the actions of the original substance that was diluted. Running through the personality picture of each constitution is a theme that also connects to the nature of the original substance, as well as connecting the physical, emotional, and mental characteristics. For example, the personality traits of the constitutional type Sepia, when stressed, match, and mirror the personality traits of the source of the remedy Sepia, which is made from a dilution of ink produced by the cuttlefish. Sepias behave the same way when cornered in life as the cuttlefish behaves when cornered in the sea.
The distinction a homeopath makes is that the person also has the physical ailments that are consistent with the personality. A constitution cannot be described as purely a personality type because your constitution is your personality as well as your particular physical tendency to suffer from particular ailments. The mental and emotional personality or characteristics of the Lachesis constitution mirror and are most “like” the personality and behavior of the bushmaster snake from whose venom the homeopathic remedy is derived. The physical complaints of the person needing Lachesis also mirror and are most “like” the physical hemorrhagic tissue destruction of poisoning from the bushmaster snake. Homeopathy prescribes Lachesis for people in a “like”-Lachesis state. The Lachesis state mirrors and carries the theme of the original source the homeopathic remedy was derived from. In this book I use the venomous film character of Margo, played by the actor Bette Davis in the film All About Eve. The character Margo is not a Lachesis personality or a Lachesis individual; the character is in a Lachesis-“like” state that is matched by the homeopathic remedy Lachesis. In prescribing Lachesis the remedy, it is proven within homeopathic understanding that the person will move to the more healthy aspects of Lachesis or out of the Lachesis state.
Homeopathic constitutional prescribing is inclusive of the somatic theme running through the person’s physical, emotional and mental characteristics, and the original substance from which the homeopathic medicine was derived. Constitutional therapy has a unique advantage over conventional forms of counseling, because it is concerned with understanding and affirming individuality. It is not an ideologically based therapy or series of thinking processes that force everyone to have the same approach. A homeopath is able to understand the needs of each individual constitutional type. It is this side of homeopathy that I explore in this book.
Homeopathic constitutional analysis is based on the assumption that when you know who you are, you also know what fulfills you emotionally. After reading this book you will understand the needs you have as a person, and what you are like in relationships.
Which Constitution Am I? — How to Use the Summaries
The first section contains the summaries of each constitution. For each constitution the summary first describes the origins of the remedy. This is followed by a list of key mental and emotional characteristics, and then a list of key physical characteristics. These brief checklists in bullet-point form can be used as a guide and introduction to the different constitutions. The summaries are not a definitive diagnosis of your constitution; you have to then read the relevant chapters to expand that diagnosis in greater depth. It should be noted that you will not have all of the mental and emotional characteristics or suffer from all of the physical characteristics. You must, however, have the tendency to suffer from some of the physical characteristics. And you must have the main theme and the tendency to think and feel the majority of the feelings listed under the mental and emotional characteristics. Each constitution has to be assessed across all aspects.
The main theme of a constitution is understanding the crossover, or connection, between the mental and emotional, and physical characteristics. There has to be compatibility between how each person behaves mentally and emotionally, and the particular types of physical complaints that they have a tendency to suffer from. The theme in Calcarea carbonica of being mentally conservative, emotionally fearful, and resistent to change is transferred to the physical plane as congestive and stagnant circulation problems that cause constipation. Therefore, it is not going to be possible to be a Calcarea carbonica constitution if you love change, even though you might suffer from constipation problems. The Calcarea carbonica homeopathic remedy is derived from the inner lining of an oyster shell. The theme of tentativeness and needing to hide is the theme that mirrors the relationship between the source of the remedy and the mental, emotional, and physical characteristics. A Calcarea carbonica is not a person or individual. Homeopathy is based on the principles of “like cures like”; therefore, Calcarea carbonica is prescribed on the basis that the person has moved into a Calcarea carbonica-like state that is “like” a fearful oyster shell clamping shut.
All women to some degree suffer emotionally and physically from premenstrual tension. Homeopathic analysis does not stop at a diagnosis of premenstrual tension. Each constitution responds differently, and this is what distinguishes homeopathic understanding from any other form of therapy. A homeopath looking at a person will look behind and underneath physical illnesses to discover the real personality of the person. A homeopath will want to know how a woman operates in life, and in her relationships. How she feels emotionally before her menses is what distinguishes her from someone else. Before menses, is she hypersensitive to being hurt, angry, and guarded, or revengeful like a Natrum muriaticum, or hard to please and petulant like a Pulsatilla, or does she sink into depression and need to run away like Sepia? A homeopath looks deeper into her emotional nature to see what distinguishes the symptoms of a complaint like premenstrual tension from those of the next woman. It is the answers to these questions that indicate your constitution. This is also the picture that you need to construct to arrive at the correct choice of constitutional remedy.
The Constitutional Summaries
Origins of Arsenicum Album
The homeopathic remedy Arsenicum album (shortened to Arsenicum) is derived from a dilution of the poison arsenic. It is important to note the relationship between Arsenicum the constitution and the toxic effect of the poison arsenic. The crucial feature of the physical ailments of the constitution Arsenicum is the speed to which Arsenicums are overcome with weakness and prostration. The speed matches the destructive nature of arsenic. Arsenicums are intensely aware of the fragility of health and the potential for any illness to overwhelm. Gustave Flaubert wrote a graphic account of death by arsenic poisoning in his novel Madam Bovary. What is most fascinating in this account, from a homeopathic point of view, is the speedy decay of the body. The body needed to be sealed in three coffins by the next morning because the decay was so rapid that mourners were overcome by the stench. Arsenic as a poison is chaotic and threatening in its speedy destruction. Arsenicums carry the threat of destruction as a theme deep within their constitutional psyche.
Arsenicums perceive the world as threatening and potentially dangerous; it is this feeling of weakness that causes Arsenicums to be constantly anxious about health, and it is this threat of destruction that drives Arsenicums to relentless obsession about health. Arsenicums’ sense of inner weakness and fragility is protected by an exacting personality. The need to be efficient and perfect in all that they attempt highlights their inner vulnerability, and reflects their need to protect themselves from the threat of the world.
Key Mental and Emotional Characteristics
•Cannot tolerate incompetence and hypercritical of all inefficiency.
•A strong need to set high standards.
•A strong need to create order and precision in their lives.
•Very critical of inefficiency or the lack of logic in others’ decision-making processes.
•Can perceive confusion or disorder as threatening.
•Immaculate appearance, especially for work.
•Very fearful of disease.
•Very fearful of being out of control.
•Tendency to worry about recovery from illness.
•Fearful of death but, ironically, are suicidal if they believe there is no cure for their illness.
•A strong fear of poverty or loss of income.
•Can suffer from anxiety attacks about their health or their family’s health.
•Extreme restlessness when anxious, especially between midnight and 2 a.m.
•Place high importance on security of family and relationships.
•Fearful when alone.
•A strong need to surround themselves with objets d’art or with beauty.
•Possessive and protective of family and possessions.
Key Physical Characteristics
The crucial physical feature of Arsenicum is the intense debility that is associated with all of the physical ailments.
•Fevers and colds characterized by feeling chilly with burning temperatures.
•Feel emotionally better from heat and are fearful of cold when sick.
•Hay fever with burning eyes and swelling of the eyes and lids.
•Headaches that come periodically and often with a specific emotional reason behind their cyclic nature.
•Painful stomach ulcers and gastritis that burn, often relieved by sipping cold water.
•Burning, acrid, and offensive diarrhea.
•Dry, itching, and burning eczema.
•Vomiting that is often associated with feeling fearful and restless.
•Asthma that is worse between midnight and 2 a.m., and is relieved by sitting up.
•Offensive, acrid perspiration that is associated with anxiety at night.
•Cold, deathly face covered in sweat, associated with extreme fear and anxiety.
•Cystitis and burning urination with blood and pus. Paralysis of the bladder in the elderly.
•Exhaustion and debility after exertion.
•Degeneration and slow loss of weight, with impaired nutrition.
•Destructive diseases and complaints with acrid discharges.